22. Hot Dog Hot Tub

There were several food items that Dick always talked about doing. Sooner or later, he would try selling these items during weekends when the Old Town Mill was having a special event. The additional volume of people would give him a better chance to see if there was a demand for these foods. Som eventually found a spot on our permanent menu, most notably cheesesteaks and sweet potato fries. 

Other times, they would gather an initial boost in sales but fizzle out after the initial hype and curiosity. We tried to sell Jalapeno poppers for a couple of weeks. The last time I looked in the fridge, they were stuffed into the back corner of one of the shelves, buried in bags of sweet potato fries. If the restaurant portion of the business was still around, there is a good chance that bag of Jalapeno Poppers would still be there buried in a thick layer of freezer burn.

There was one item that, despite several attempts (and failures), Dick kept trying to add to our menu: hot dogs.

“Wouldn’t it be great?” Dick would say. “We can keep it real simple. Option of relish or chopped onions. We already have ketchup and mustard. It’ll be like a carnival.”

The first time he brought this up, I was optimistic about it. Everyone was, except for Lou. She just shook her head, then shrugged. 

“Whatever you want to do,” she said.

Later, I asked her why she seemed cautious about the ordeal.

“I’m not being cautious, Mouse. I know how this is going to play out.”

“What do you mean?”

“This is not the first time he has tried to sell hot dogs. And if it fails this time around, he is going to bring it up again at some point as if he has never tried before.”

And she was right. We sold maybe 5 hot dogs over 3 days. Not enough to justify adding an entirely new item to the menu. 

For a while, I thought that would be the end of it. I had completely forgotten about it until several months later when the Mill was putting on a community event. I think it was some small business awareness day and all of the shops were participating in discounts and special offers. 

There was also going to be a fashion show from Miss Leona, who ran a series of classes for children aspiring to be fashion designers. She had talked to Dick already, who let her use our eatery to host the event. 

“Hey Mouse,” Dick said to me several before, “We should try selling hot dogs this weekend. For the event.”

“Again?”

“Yeah. Why not? We have a big group of people that are going to be sitting right there. They are going to get hungry. When they get to our counter, they are going to see a nice big sign for a juicy hot dog.”

“I mean…I personally don’t think it’s a good idea considering last time but I’m down to try again if you are.”

Which was another way of saying ‘you’re the boss. I’m just the boy so it doesn’t really matter what I think.”

That weekend, I walked into work and the first thing I saw sitting on the kitchen counter was a giant box full of hot dogs packs. 

“So how do you wanna cook them?” I asked.

“I think we are going to boil them in a pot,” Dick said.

“Ok. How many?”

“All of them.”

I looked at the box and estimated that it was roughly 16 cubic inches. That is a lot of hot dogs. I watched Dick bring out a large pot from the back. He filled it up with water and put it on the stovetop. As the water was boiling, he ripped open each package and dumped the floppy pink sausages into the water. After he emptied the last bag, he covered the lid of the pot just as the water was starting to boil. Bubbles and steam rose from the pot. 

The box was left forgotten in the corner, filled with hot dog packages still slick with hog grease. They reminded me of tiny little body bags and I felt like a grave robber who just dug up a bunch of carcasses. 

Before the event kicked off, Dick asked me to come back to the kitchen and try a hot dog. He opened the pot. A bloom of sausage steam rose and the smell of hot dogs hit my nose. He pulled one out with a set of tongs and placed it on a bun. I asked for onions, relish, and mustard. He set it up on a paper plate and slid it across the counter to me. 

I took a bite. It was pretty good but I wasn’t the best judge of quality in this regard. I loved hot dogs and my bar wasn’t very high. 

“You like it?” Dick asked.

“Yeah, it’s great,” I said.

“Good. This is going to be good. After all, who doesn’t love hot dogs?” he said. 

Lunch rush came. Sure enough, it was busy. Not only did we have the usual Saturday rush but we also had the people for the event and Miss Leona’s Fashion Show, all concentrated in our eatery. We were grabbing orders customer after customer. 

In the height of the lunch rush, I went to the back to drop off an order ticket to Dick.

“Fuck,” Dick yelled as I was about to leave the kitchen.

“What’s wrong?”

“I keep bumping into the fucking hot dog pot. It’s hot as shit.”

The pot was massive, taking up nearly two different stoves. It jutted out a bit, making me anxious as I thought what would happen if it tipped over and fell. For a moment, I could see a party of hot dogs sprawled out across the floor and how much time and absurdity would go into cleaning it up.

That’s when I realized that it was 2 hours since the lunch rush started and the pot was still full. I recalled selling two hot dogs during that entire time, even as I made sure to bring up the special to everyone I talked to. The top layer of the boiling water revealed a bunch of sausages sticking out of the water, leaning against the back of the metal pot as they stewed like people in a hot tub. 

When I clocked out for my lunch break, Dick said I could have as many hot dogs as I wanted. Being the glutton that I am, I made myself three. For the next half hour, I decided to change up my usual routine of sitting alone in peace. Instead, I sat in on Miss Leona’s fashion show. She had students from middle school to high school and most of the audience were parents, grandparents, and families. Most of the clothes reminded me of things my little sister used to wear as a kid. I guess it was a combination of glitter, pins, and feathers but it all reminded me of early 2000’s teen pop culture. All of the models were friends and family members.

It reminded me of my childhood and when my parents went to some of my school performances or my martial arts belt tests. For a moment I was incredibly thankful and sorry to them from the bottom of my heart. Because unlike the children on stage presenting their artistic merit, I was a pretty talentless child and my parents were great actors. 

As I was finishing up my lunch, I looked around the lunchroom to get a feel for the room. There were certainly a lot of people with our food. Grilled cheeses, fries, sodas. I saw Christian going over to the trash can, the top lid several inches from the actual rim, and replacing it with a new trash bag. So we had a very good day in terms of sales. 

But no hot dogs.

At the end of the night, Dick asked us again if we wanted to take any hot dogs home. Again, being the glutton that I am, took him up on the offer and packed 10. Still, it barely made a difference. The hot dog hot tub was still fully inhabited. 

By this point, Dick had turned off the water, too. At least when heat and steam are rising from the pot, creating fog spots in the metal, there is a delectable quality to it. Now, it was just a pit of cold sausages and sausage water. It didn’t make them any less appetizing to me, but it did make me sad somehow. 

I do wonder what Dick did with the rest of the hot dogs. I have been told that in Chicago, hot dog places will let those hot dogs sit in that sausage water for days to enhance the flavors. I wonder if this is true. I never got to see Dick try to sell hot dogs again. That said, I think he might try again at least once before he dies. He has mentioned at several points that he would love to start a carnival in his retirement. Maybe, he still has that hot dog hot tub. He might be letting them stew up in some fridge, letting the juices soak into the flavor. 

Maybe, he is just bidding his time, waiting to try again.

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21. Valentine’s Day

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23. Credit Card? No Problem

[Table of Contents]

 

I’m Trying to Quit Smoking…Again

Sometimes, I don’t know why I keep trying to do this. I love nicotine. I love everything about it. Since I started around 19, I have tried to quit about 12 times. At this point, I have lost count of how many times I have tried to quit. 

Still, I know that it is for the best. During the quarantine, I was arguably the healthiest I had ever been in my entire life. I was exercising almost every day. I was in more control of my diet. I had an improved sleep schedule. I wasn’t drinking every day. And I wasn’t smoking.

All of that went out the window after I got a new job. I got hired right around October, right before the rush of holiday seasons. Work after work. Celebration on top of celebration. I wouldn’t say that I let myself go but I wasn’t keeping myself together either. 

Even after the New Year had come and gone, I was still busy dealing with a combination of outstanding plans and spontaneous ones. I went to Indiana for a Dungeons and Dragons Convention at the beginning of the month. I went to visit some friends down in Texas at the end of the month. Additionally, a friend of mine told me last minute that they were going to be at an anime convention so I bought tickets last minute. 

That is 3 weekends in a row of all work, all play, and no sleep. It was also an expensive weekend, too. This is part of the reason why I want to try quitting again. A smoking habit is expensive, eating away what seems like small bits of cash at a time when really it is burning a large, cigarette-sized burn in your income. 

But really, it is about my health. Objectively, I had more energy when I was at my best moments in quarantine. I was able to achieve that in a vacuum when I didn’t have to work and didn’t have the obligations of the world to occupy my time. 

Yet, I don’t see why I couldn’t do all of those things that I was doing right during the pandemic. This is the first step. 

Do I want to give up smoking entirely? No. My favorite smoking moments are during parties and celebrations, ones that go long into the night, where friends are drinking and vibing. We tell each other stories of our past and tell each other how much we love each other. I watch them in our merry as I take a hit, hold it in my lungs, and exhale. I love and savor this. 

What I don’t want is to keep it as a habit. Smoking can make you feel sluggish and manic at the same time. Your mind starts to crave something. If you tell yourself it can’t smoke, then you instantly think about something else that will give you a moment of relief in some other way. Food. Alcohol. Drugs. Sex. As someone with ADHD, it is already incredibly distracting. 

They say that it takes 90 days to completely break a previously existing habit. I think I will have to do my best to keep myself busy during that time. I think the hardest times for me are idle moments and social environments. I hope that by June 1st, I will have used all of that time to replace one bad habit with several decent ones. 

Because smoking is a fun luxury but an annoying habit. 

21. Valentine’s Day

The following is part of a serialized story, Everyone Thinks I Dream of Chocolate. You can find the first chapter here.

Valentine’s Day is about love. Romantic love. This is a concept that humans have been drunk on for the last 200 years or so. Grand gestures and loud displays of affection are encouraged. It is a day that values narcissism and punishes those who fail to meet those expectations.

Luckily for me, Chrissy hates attention and prefers small, personal displays of love. My time, wallet, and patience are ever grateful.

Still, the rest of the world was cursed with such issues. On a day like this, one couldn’t just buy a giant bag of mini Twix and expect an A on their report card (although in my opinion, this is just as valid as anything else). This is why gift baskets full of stuffed animals and various confectionary are priced in the double and triple digits. Although I did not suffer from the vanity of the holiday, I certainly helped Dick and Lou capitalize on it. 

Unlike other chocolate shops, Lou didn’t like to sell premade boxes for the holidays. We already offered custom boxes as a service. The few times that we tried to sell premade boxes, the customers usually wanted extra items in the box so we ended up making new boxes anyway. 

In retrospect, I liked this idea a lot. Many businesses often see premade bundles as a way to sell multiple items quickly. Theoretically, it saves time during peak hours as all of the packing work is done hours before. The problem is that most people are picky. They might see something in the box or bag and want an extra item. Even worse, they don’t like something in the package and it completely disqualifies the product. It’s a small blemish that somehow ruins the whole package. 

As an employee, I prefer the custom option. That way, the customer gets exactly what they want without wasting time deliberating whether the bundle is “good enough for the world’s best lover”. Plus, packing the gift box pads time in my workday. It is something to fill in the small incremental moments of time ticking away towards the end of a shift. While speed was encouraged, patience was valued even more. Lou saw aesthetics as equally important to the recipe. Aesthetics took time. 

“So what if we take our time?” Dick once said. “They can fucking wait.”

And wait they fucking did. 

Each box was its own process. After the customer picked their gifts, we provided white or red boxes in various sizes. The customer got to choose a ribbon color from an entire shelf dedicated to the hundreds of rolls in various colors, band thicknesses, and designs. 

Inside the box, we lined the bottom with delicate, white tissue paper. It was crisp and light to the touch. You could either keep the paper clean or crumple it to pad out the inside so the truffles could nest comfortably in a blanket or cushion.

After setting everything in the box, we showed the customer the box (“What do you think of this?” or “Is this to your satisfaction?”). If the customer gave us the all-clear, we slid the top on and wrapped the chosen ribbon around the package. We asked the customer if they like the ribbon (which they usually did). Then, we finally put it in a white paper bag, charged them, then sent them on their way. 

This was the basic rubric but it wasn’t perfect. Sometimes, the items didn’t fit well into any of the boxes properly. A medium-sized box didn’t have enough room and the large box had too much empty space. In these cases, I had to use two boxes, stack them on top of each other, and wrap them. The result was a pyramid-shaped package. A lot of people liked this because it made the final gift look large. People like two boxes more than one. 

Regardless, I usually made it work. In fact, that was a reason why I liked selling custom gift boxes more than the pre-made ones. Everyone had different needs and whatever they were, I was sure I could figure out how to help them walk out of our store satisfied.

Except for the one time I couldn’t.

It was three days after Valentine’s Day. The traffic was pretty slow since we had several weeks until Easter. It was a Sunday which meant we had no production so I was mostly re-organizing the shelves in the chocolate case. There wasn’t too much to organize since most of our shelves were empty. We hadn’t had time to make new product and we wouldn’t be fully stocked again until Friday. 

It was nice to see. Despite having very little to sell customers, the major holiday was over. All the empty trays meant we had sold a lot. 

This sentiment was not shared by the customer who came in. He was wearing a dress shirt and pants. A loose tie hung around his neck like a noose before a hanging. He was sweating like a man on death row. 

“Do you have anything for Valentine’s Day?”

“All the stuff that we have on display.”

His eyes were rabid, the gaze ripping back and forth across the display case. The two pupils were hunting, gleaning, and desperate. I saw something drip from the edges of his eyelids. Was that sweat or tears? I guess in a way, tears are like sweat for eyeballs.

“Do you have any truffles?”

“Sorry dude, all out.”

“Damn it.” He closed his eyes tight, squeezing out the bead of salt. “How about sea salt caramels?”

“Sorry. All out.”

“Damn it.”

He is starting to pace across the shop. 

I try to give him the benefit of the doubt. He is in a dress shirt. He looks a bit worse for wear. Maybe he was traveling for work. Perhaps he lived in New York City and had just come to Maryland from an important meeting. Probably some sort of executive who works through a lot of holidays. Still, he seems like a nice guy, trying to make it work with his long-distance girlfriend. They knew that they were going to be celebrating Valentine’s Day a few days late but that was ok. Their love went beyond the expectations of a simple holiday. The ritual of expressing their devotion was all that mattered. Still, he did want to get her a gift. They had agreed beforehand to drop the gift exchange but he couldn’t help it. It was the last thing on his list of things to do before going to his girlfriend’s house, taking a shower, then making sweet passionate love while watching Flava Flav’s Flavor of Love, a show that they bonded over due to their mutual ironic enjoyment. 

Yes, that was it. He was merely flustered because he had planned to get chocolates from his girlfriend’s favorite chocolate shop but didn’t expect such a huge hole in our stock. There was no way that he forgot Valentine’s Day. This story I made in my head gave me a sense of sympathy for him. Surely I could help him. 

“Relax my guy,” I said, my tone high and bright. “Nothing to worry about. I’m sure we can find something for your lady. It’s not like you forgot Valentine’s Day.”

“No, I did. I totally did.”

“Oh.”

Now, I was sweating and my apron felt just a bit tighter.

“Here, I can put together a small box for you.”

“Ok, ok,” he said, still frazzled. Poor guy. Probably didn’t get enough sleep on the bus ride here.

I managed to put together a small box full of dipped confectionary. Graham crackers, Oreos, and pretzels.

“Do you know if she likes Milk or Dark chocolate?” I asked.

“I have no idea.”

Most people liked milk chocolate so that’s what I put in the box. 

“Well, the total is $20.”

“What that much?”

“…Yeah.”

He made some sort of noise. Then, he walked out of the shop. From the front door, I watched him walk from store to store, exiting each stop empty-handed. Eventually, he left the Old Town Mill, eyeballs sweating tears. I watched him walk out into the parking lot, expecting to see him get into a car. Instead, he walked into the neighborhood. I can’t help but wonder how much money he had in his wallet.

Previous
20. Becky

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To Be Continued

[Table of Contents]

Stories That I Liked in 2021

In my last post, I talked about some of my favorite movies of last year. Since I had over a hundred movies to draw from, I had to make that its own post. Here, I am going to be talking about everything else. From books, videos games, television shows, etc. Now just because I don’t talk about something here, doesn’t mean I didn’t love it. These are just the stories that stuck with me the most after all is said and done. 

Gunbuster (1988, Anime OVA)

This 6 episode television show took me by surprise. This is an early work by Hideaki Anno, the man who would later be responsible for Neon Genesis Evangelion. Compared to that existential nightmare, Gunbuster is surprisingly upbeat. It has an 80’s pop vibe combined with an otaku sensibility. I am not usually one for the cutesier side of anime but the heroine, Noriko, is strong and charming in a way that I can’t help find but endearing. The story isn’t always cheery. There is a lot of heavier themes but it never overshadows the optimism of the human spirit. Oh, and it does help that the Gunbuster is one badass mech.

Nathan for You (2013-2017, TV)

In many ways, Nathan for You is one of the best reality comedy shows ever to exist. Unlike the Eric Andre Show, Jack Ass, and other real-world prank comedies, Nathan for You is presented with a straight face from start to finish. Our host, Nathan Fielder, is a Canadian whose work visa misgenders him. He is both genuine and sociopathic, charming yet utterly unsettling. The schemes he comes up with to “help struggling businesses” is a constant tight rope act of believability and absurdity. In fact, the most absurd moments don’t even come from Nathan Fielder himself but the strange cast of normal people he ropes into his schemes. It is a strange anthology that portrays the true absurdity that is the human experience and I can’t help but laugh along.

Bojack Horseman (2014-2020, TV)

This is my second time watching Bojack Horseman since the season finale was released in 2020. This time, I binged the show at my own pace rather than wait every season. One way that I judge the long-term merit of narratives is how they hold up in subsequent experiences. Bojack Horseman is even better the second time around. All of the foreshadowing, imagery, symbolism, and in-jokes hit different as a familiar viewer. The added sense of dramatic irony enhances the show. Just like the first time around, the art style is still fantastic and the soundtrack is still great. The jokes still land incredibly well and the recurring jokes keep snowballing into a domino effect of hilarity. However, it is still the characters and the drama that keep me engaged. I can still relate to the struggles of their trials and condemn them for their faults. As a human that first saw Bojack when he was 21, the human element hits different at the age of 26. If there is one thing about the show that I truly appreciate is that it is relentless in giving its characters an uncompromising version of the human experience. 

Homestuck (2009-2016, Web Comic)

Homestuck is everything that a story should be: funny, sad, strange, and beautiful. It is strange to see this story’s fanbase from a distance since I was never really involved in the fandom. For those who were there for the near cult-like experience that was Andrew Hussie’s Interactive Hypertext Web Comic, it was a following of incredible highs and serious lows. The lows are…seriously bad. Because of this, many fans see Homestuck as a tainted work, viewing it with a certain disdain. Luckily for me, I don’t really follow the fandom (or any fandom for that matter). I don’t give a shit about the fans, the author, the video games, the developers, the Epilogue, or the sequel. All of those things can go fuck themselves. All I care about is Homestuck and I legitimately consider it one of the greatest pieces of fiction ever made. This is not because it is perfect. With a story this big and scope this large, it is impossible to get everything “right”. Even then, Homestuck does get it right because as a meta-narrative, it works as an embodiment of everything that a story can be. This is not only true in the technical presentation but also in its themes, narrative, tone, and even objective quality. Very few things can claim that. I started reading Homestuck around March of 2020 and finished it about a year later. It was one of the most memorable narrative experiences of my entire life. I’m glad that I was never a part of the fandom. All I know is that I am definitely a fan. 

The Stormlight Archives Books 1 & 2 (2010, 2014, Book Series)

High-Fantasy has never been my genre fiction of choice. I have always preferred the opposite end of that fantastical spectrum: Science Fiction. Yet, it is hard to deny how impressive Brandon Sanderson is as a storyteller. His ability to juggle the plot threads of at least 4 characters is impressive enough but the way he weaves these seemingly separate stories reminds me of a swirling vortex, a perfect storm. The magic is intriguing. The politics are thrilling. The fight scenes are invigorating. With over 1000 pages per book, Sanderson packs so much content into these novels that I truly feel that I am exploring the world that he has crafted. The characters, while somewhat traditional, are all compelling in their own way and I am genuinely excited as I pick up the interluding novella so I can prepare for the behemoth that is the third book. 

Pachinko (2017, Novel)

Pachinko is the only book I read last year that I legitimately binged. For 2 days straight, I did nothing but devour this historical epic about three generations of a Korean family and their immigration into Japan. Zainichi Koreans have an interesting place within Korean culture. They live in a world that often does not want them there. Yet, returning to the supposed motherland is often physically or spiritually impossible. Therefore, they live in a strange interstice where they don’t really belong anywhere. As a first-generation Korean American, this is something I relate to on a very deep level. Regardless of my own personal connection, this is an epic in every sense of the word. Every character within this family is rich with detail, with deep-rooted psychologies, struggles, and triumphs. Watching them survive through several generations of hardships reminded me of my own family. Like most immigrant families, the generational and cultural gaps between parents and children can create huge disparities in understanding. I feel like if nothing else, this book has given me a look in help me see through the fog. 

The Arrival (2006, Graphic Novel)

The Arrival is more than a graphic novel. It is an experience. There is almost no(if not, any), dialogue. It is all told through a gorgeous surreal art style dripping in sepia tones like nostalgic honey. It is a fantastical retelling of the immigrant experience, reminiscent of the Ellis Island immigration in the early 1900s’. It is a world both strange and familiar. The lack of dialogue is not a weakness but a strength. It reminds me of a silent film or something out of Disney’s Fantasia. Even though there were only pictures, a sweeping orchestral soundtrack overtook my ears and my heart as I explored the stories of immigrants and their various struggles that made them search for new homes. Like Pachinko, this story resonates with me as a first-generation American of immigrant parents. The Arrival is beautiful from start to finish, not just a story but a true experience. I recommend reading this one with Chopan playing in the background. 

Omori (2020, Video Game)

Classic JRPG’s are my favorite video game genre. My favorite game of all time is Chrono Trigger. As someone who is primarily interested in the story and the way that gameplay contextualizes and enhances the narrative experience: Omori is something special. It deals with a lot of heavier issues such as depression and mental health through a cast of fully realized characters, each with their own traits, strengths, and flaws. The story gripped me so much that I couldn’t stop playing until I made it to the end. I had to see how it all played out. I am not going to spoil the story for you because I think Omori is best going in blind. I had no idea what this game was until I saw it recommended to me on Steam and I bought it out of pure curiosity. What I will say is that the pixel art is gorgeous. The soundtrack is excellent. For those who enjoy the likes of Earthbound, I think you will like this one a lot. Be warned: Those trigger warnings at the beginning of the game are no joke. If you can get through it, however, Omori is one of the best games I have played in a long time.

Disco Elysium (2019, Video Game)

Disco Elysium is probably one of the best-written games in the past several years. The gameplay reinforces that as it plays like a classic top-down computer RPG. You play the role of a detective who has lost his memory. You go through this town in the middle of political unrest as you try to figure out not only who you are but the truth behind a murder you are tasked with solving. Disco Elysium is one of the few games that actively interrogate your personal beliefs and does it very well. I was playing this game during a dark time in my life as I was slowly trying to figure out what kind of person I wanted to be. As I made my choices (choices that were probably influenced by my own personal life situation), the game kept hitting me with tough decisions, shocking consequences, and mind-bending monologues. The best part is that the game actively changes depending on the decisions that you make and I know that my one playthrough was not enough. I am trying to find time to go through it again sometime this year. I know if not soon then this is a game that I will be returning to several times during the course of my life. 

The rest of my list in its entirety:

Television 📺
1. Mindhunters [Season 1] (2017)
2. Mindhunters [Season 2] (2019)
3. Megalobox [Season 1] (2018)
4. Dirk Gently’s Holistic Detective Agency [Season 1] (2016)
5. Gunbuster (1988)
6. Pacific Rim: The Black [Season 1] (2021)
7. Nathan for You [Season 1-4] (2013)
8. Wallace and Gromit [Ep 1-4]
9. Regular Show (2009-2017)
10. Invincible [Season 1] (2021)
11. FLCL (2000)
12. The Sopranos (1999-2007)
13. Squid Game (2021)
14. Jojos Bizarre Adventure (Part 5)
15. Bojack Horseman 

Online 🌐 
1. Homestuck (2007)

Books 📚
1. Neverwhere (1996)
2. The Subtle Knife (1997)
3. A Greater Monster (2013)
4. The Amber Spyglass (2000)
5. A Tale of Two Cities (1859)
6. The Stand: Complete and Uncut (1990)
7. Paper Towns (2008)
8. The Westing Game (1978)
9. Slaughterhouse-Five (1969)
10. The Way of Kings (2010)
11. The Tsar of Love and Techno (2015)
12. Beyond Good and Evil (1886)
13. Good Omens (1990)
14. Super Gods (2011)
15. Pachinko (2017)
16. Words of Radiance (2014)
17. Lisey’s Story (2006)
18. Winter in Sokcho (2020)

Graphic Novels
1. The Arrival (2006)
2. The Incal (1981)

Video Games
1. Before Your Eyes (2021)
2. Omori (2020)
3. Disco Elysium (2019)
4. What Became of Edith Finch (2017)

20. Becky

The following is part of a serialized story, Everyone Thinks I Dream of Chocolate. You can find the first chapter here.

As far as I know, Becky was one of the longest working employees for Lou’s before I became hired. She started working for them when she was a junior in high school and decided to go work full time for them right after graduating. 

Ten years later, she started dating Matt, one of the head maintenance staff working for Old Town Mill. Well, at least I think they were dating. Their affection for each other, at least in the company of others felt pretty baseline. Becky also mentioned that she had no interest in marriage. It makes me wonder if this is just her general attitude towards relationships or if this was more to do with Matt. Either way, I came to the conclusion that it was none of my damn business. 

She was pregnant with Matt’s kid by the time I started working there and she planned to leave by the end of the year.

“I just think it would be best if I was there for the first couple years of her life. You know?”

I didn’t because I had no interest in having kids nor could I even fathom the possibility. 

While Becky helped me get started at the chocolate shop, I mostly saw Matt after she left. He was constantly running back and forth. A thick pair of work gloves always wrapped around his hands or tied around his waist. Heavy work boots stomped on the ground as he passed in a heavy march led by one man. His uniform was the Old Town Mill’s official staff shirt, either green or red depending on the day. The colors were probably a remnant of the Mill’s history when it was once a year-around Christmas Wonderland). 

His shorts were always kept short, thin enough for me to see the beads of sweat glisten like lakes and ponds overlooking a forest. 

Matt’s core defining feature were his eyes. Christian and I always played a guessing game, trying to estimate how much weed he had smoked that day on the Mill’s roof. Everyone knew that the maintenance staff smoked up there and the owner of the Mill was rumored to be a pot farmer living mostly in California these days. 

Personally, I didn’t really care. It did remind me of my own dad. I wasn’t a planned kid either and when I was born, he worked at my grandfather’s Japanese and Korean Cuisine restaurant. He left for work at the crack of dawn and returned around 11:30 every night. I got to spend maybe two hours with him every night before I went to sleep. He coped with the stress of that job much as I coped with the stress of this one: booze. 

I can’t imagine that in the long run, abusing marijuana is any better than abusing alcohol. I know that the “studies” (wherever those are coming from) are saying a lot about the lack of physical addiction in marijuana. I have also been in the rave scene long enough to know that if people can get addicted to whipped-cream cartridges, they can get addicted to anything. Still, if it’s what helps him get through the day. I’m not judging. I had my own problems, too. 

Becky came to visit every once in a while and she would bring her daughter, Amber. Every single time, it was like experiencing jumps in time. Becky seemed to have gotten to that age where your face no longer changes, only your hair. Always brown, usually straight. Sometimes tied back in a ponytail, either everything wrapped or the back allowed to hang below. 

Her child had more drastic changes. She went from a tiny baby to a small child to a wandering toddler that rambled on through the mill. More and more, there was life in her eyes. They were vessels that captured the light of the world. Each time I looked into them, there was more and more of an understanding that she was indeed alive. 

It was nice. Again, I don’t really have an interest in having kids myself. Still, it is incredible to see how they grow and change and experience physical and mental growth, closer and closer into adults. 

The last time I saw her, she was using full-on sentences and she was only two years old. She was wandering on her own two feet. While I witnessed this, I had memories playing of a not-so-distant past, where she was still in a stroller, only her head bobbing back and forth as she simply observed the world like fish looking out of their glass bowl. 

Still, Becky and Amber’s visits reminded me of not-so-pleasant things. 

Becky is roughly my age. A little older but not by much. Around the same age as when my parents had me. I remember them struggling. I remember the fights. Maybe, it was about money and maybe it wasn’t. I’m sure it was stressful. I can understand why Mike is always high. 

And I wonder if this is what Becky wanted? Probably not. This is the same girl who found herself working for the same small business for 10 years after graduating. When I asked her what her plans for the future after Amber is a bit grown and going to school, she said,

“I don’t know. Maybe go back to school. Maybe come back here if Dick and Lou say it’s ok.”

So maybe she likes to keep life simple. I don’t know. I might be projecting my own fears into the conversation. 

What I do know is that at the time, I couldn’t help but think about where my life was at. Before I finally left Lou’s, I was making $18 an hour for 40 hours per week. It’s not Comp-Sci money but it was enough so that Chrissy and I could eventually move out to our own place. I was paying bills, sustaining myself, and miserable. 

I wonder how they are? I wonder if Becky is still content. I wonder if she was ever content at all.

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19. Helicopter Parent

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21. Valentine’s Day

[Table of Contents]

The Movies That Stuck With Me in 2021

Last year, I didn’t have a job. So I spent a lot of time simply existing. During that existence, I watched 137 movies. This is not that impressive of a list since I have watched many of these movies before. However, I still think that this is a lot. Considering that the world is opening up again and I am becoming busier than ever, I wonder if I will ever get the chance to watch in this way again. In many ways, marathoning movies is when I am at my happiest. I guess I should be happy I ever had the chance at all considering the circumstances. As I reflect on the past year, here are some of my favorite movies of 2021. 

Johnny Mnemonic (1995)

While the story and acting are pretty cheesy (which is fun in its own way), they serve merely as a vehicle for the world. The main character of Johnny Mneumonic is this dystopian future where corporations and gangs fight wars in towering skyscrapers, grungy streets, and virtual realities.  This is a future envisioned by another time. Therefore, this aesthetic of science fiction is now entering a form of science fantasy and it is a style that I want to see more. In many ways, it is the truest version of cyberpunk, even more so than the likes of Blade Runner, which has sort of becoming the poster child for the genre. I hope that as time goes on, the sleek aesthetic of that movie can make room for this grungier, messier sci-fi world within our pop culture.

Tenet (2020)

Some people are not going to like this movie. In the character and emotional drama department, this isn’t Christopher Nolan’s strongest film. Where it shines it’s in its mechanics. All of the characters and the quantum mechanics serve as a technical components in a machine. Watching the characters navigate this world reminds me of a game of chess. Maybe it is the fact that Nolan continues to play with brutalist architecture, muted colors, and suits as the primary costume of choice. It is also in the way he sets it all up like a game and appreciating the finale demands the audience to pay attention to the mechanics. Nolan has yet again made a Rube Goldberg of a film and watching it all unfold is mesmerizing.

There Will Be Blood (2007)

Watching the madness that is Daniel Plainview is haunting as it is mesmerizing. Hearing the eerie violin screeching in the background as the movie drags me towards its finale is an experience that I feel in only the best of character dramas. In this story of an oil baron rising to power using his snake-oil charm, this is a western where the combat is in the realm of the psychic rather than gunpowder. Watching this old school capitalist play his dirty games is terrifying as it is delightful. 

Nick and Norah’s Infinite Playlist (2008)

The movie is too damn charming not to like. I love the characters, flaws and all. The story is quirky and slightly offbeat but only in aesthetics. It is a romance film as traditional as it gets with a flavor that is more appealing to a time, generation, and culture that I understand. As someone who grew up with indie music as a teenager, the film takes me back to that time when love felt more visceral. If nothing else, the movie is endearing and it makes me warm inside.

Robot Jox (1990)

I love giant robots and really, that is the only reason that Robot Jox appeals to me. It is a good thing that it gets it right. The story itself is absurd and the politics are ridiculous. If you don’t take it too seriously, it isn’t bad and occasionally fun to watch. The real highlight, however, is the mech fights. This is Pacific Rim before the age of computer graphics and refined design. This 90’s Sci-fi B-movie is a technical marvel. The stop-motion used for the robots is stunning. I love the designs retaining the tank-like nature of Western mechs without feeling too drab and military. Each robot has character, influenced more by pro wrestling and cage matches than WWII. The practical effects are sure to please anyone who enjoys old-school special effects. I’m not saying this is a good movie. I just know that I fell in love with it. 

Bad Trip (2021)

Eric Andre has been one of my favorite comedians for a while. His high-octane nihilistic humor has a frenetic energy that very few can match and his willingness to push the limits is something to be admired. He had been prolific in real-world prank comedy since the early days of the Eric Andre Show. Seeing a full-on Jack-Ass style narrative film is something else. There are pranks in this movie that I will never forget. The movie was a huge source of laughter during a time when I desperately needed it. 

Sky Captain and the World of Tomorrow (2004)

Sky Captain is a great adventure film. This is not a drama about characters who change and grow over time, overcoming their flaws and experiencing story arcs. From the start, you know exactly who these characters are. You have the hero, the heroine, the anti-heroine, the big bad guy, etc. They all have a role to play and the mission is clear: to give you a damn good show. Sky Captain came out during the early days of full CGI technology being used for environments. In some ways, it was dated even then. Still, I remember watching this movie when it came out in theatres and it has stuck with me as a defining movie memory. I think the art style especially holds up. The monochrome palette is absolutely beautiful and reminds me of old adventure comics. I wish more modern films were willing to make these more traditional pulp romps since the style has so much personality. Then again, maybe that is what makes Sky Captain such a unique pleasure today. 

Jin-Roh: The Wolf Brigade (1999)

In this era of anime, I often feel bombarded by fan service and flamboyancy. This is not an issue in and of itself because I enjoy these things on occasion, too. But I don’t always want the glitz. Sometimes, I want the grit and I want it as dirty as possible until it sands down my heart into a raw, hollow void. That is what Jin-Roh is. Set in an alternate history where Japan sided with the Allies and still lost, Jin-Roh’s world is constantly in a state of political unrest. Espionage and betrayal are common and there are more wolves skulking the streets than there are men. The animation is cel-animated so it’s smooth in that old-school, dream-like fashion. The armor of the Kerberos agents is menacing, the eye candy that drew me in. Yet, at its heart, Jin-Roh is a love story about two people falling for each other in a world where you can’t trust anyone. Watch this one by yourself or at least with those that can be a respectful audience in the face of brooding melancholy. 

Demon Slayer: Mugen Train (2020)

This was the first movie I watched in the theatres since the pandemic. After a year and a half without the theatre experience, there is no other movie that could have reminded me just how powerful that experience can be. Those who are fans of anime and manga already know how great the story is. Experiencing the Mugen Train Arc in the theatre elevated that greatness. The animation is a beautiful mix of 2D and 3D. The fight choreography is sleek yet weighty. Hearing the music and sound effects through proper speakers was a treat in and of itself. The bass hit my body with every song beat and sword clash, bringing me closer to the experience. Without spoiling anything, the film had me in tears several times. Maybe it had more to do with the theatre than it did with the actual movie. I don’t think it matters because as I am typing this, the memory is still strong and it has me smiling.

Good Time (2017)

Watching Good Time is like experiencing a bad acid trip. Despite all of the hype over Uncut Gems (which is also a great movie), I think the directors of that film had me much more intrigued with Good Time. It is a fever dream with every scene and sequence leading into higher and higher stakes. Despite the surreality of each scene, it is also impressive how it all comes together seamlessly. Watching our unreliable protagonist go through every moment is hypnotizing. At some point in the film, I became just another innocent bystander seduced into his schemes.

Dune (2021)

The second movie I watched in theatres last year. Denis Villeneuve already proved himself as the vision of modern sci-fi films with the likes of Blade Runner 2049 and Arrival. All of his movies manage to create clean aesthetics without becoming overly glitzy. There is a classic sense of cinema here. The beautiful sands of Arrakis muddle and grit the camera lens as much as it sparkles and shines. I read Frank Herbert’s novel of the same name for the first time last year and seeing the thopters, energy shields, and knife fights in action had me jumping in my seat. Usually, I am utterly hypnotized by the theatre experience but Villeneuve was able to bring a child-like wonder out of me too powerful to contain. Watching the medieval-style political intrigue with the science fiction technology and the mystical nature of the Bene Gesserit and the Spice Melange: this is epic in every sense of the word. 

The French Dispatch (2021)

I have been a fan of Wes Anderson since high school after watching Rushmore. It has been a pleasure to watch his movies over time, with each new production revealing more and more of his artistic sensibilities. In some ways, this is his most personal film, an homage to a France that he is nostalgic for but only existed in a strange Interstice between reality and dreams. Each of the stories in this anthology are interesting on their own but it is fun to how these individual stories come together to form a complete narrative experience. It is very literary in that way, reminding me of how the best short story and anthology collections allow us to look into a fully realized world and colorful lives of the outstanding cast of characters that live in it. It also helps that the movie looks and sounds absolutely beautiful.

Minority Report (2002)

I have been told that I would love the work of Phillip K. Dick but so far, I have only read Do Androids Dream of Electric Sheep and Valis. This is my first exposure to Minority Report in any fashion. From the vague images of it I have seen in the past, I thought this was going to be a typical Tom Cruise movie. While I think he is a very capable action lead, I often found many of his movies to be more about spectacle rather than plot. Yet, I Minority Report is heady in all my favorite ways. It is a science fiction future with a splash of psychic mysticism, which is completely in line with what I know from Dick, especially after reading Valis. The movie is sleek as it is heady and experiencing this world reminded me of all of my other favorite Orwellian stories that Minority Report has probably inspired, such as Psycho-Pass. 

I hope you all enjoyed my list. There are definitely more films that I could have talked about but these were ones that stuck out to me the most. Here is my complete list:

1. Johnny Mnemonic (1995)
2. Gonjiam: Haunted Asylum (2018)
3. Sol Levante (2020)
4. Enter the Dragon (1973)
5. There Will Be Blood (2007)
6. The Five Venoms (1978)
7. Tenet (2020)
8. Hook (1991)
9. Month Python and the Holy Grail (1975)
10. Truman Show (1998)
11. Clue (1985)
12. Taekwon V 84 (1984)
13. Vampire Hunter D (1985)
14. Mars Attacks! (1996)
15. What If (2013)
16. Shanghai Noon (2000)
17. Sonic the Hedgehog (2020)
18. Logan Lucky (2017)
19. Tropic Thunder (2008)
20. The Shape of Water (2017)
21. Nick and Norah’s Infinite Playlist (2008)
22. Brick (2005)
23. Where the Red Fern Grows (1974)
24. Super 8 (2011)
25. Cool World (1992)
26. The Wicker Man (1973)
27. Tenacious D and the Pick of Destiny (2006)
28. Attack the Block (2011)
29. The Time Machine (2002)
30. Appleseed (1988)
31. Robot Jox (1990)
32. Bad Trip (2021)
33. Jojo Rabbit (2019)
34. The Blob (1958)
35. Ran (1985)
36. Bottle Rocket (1996)
37. Napoleon Dynamite (2004)
38. It: Chapter One (2017)
39. Sky Captain and the World of Tomorrow (2004)
40. It: Chapter 2 (2019)
41. Jason and the Argonauts (1963)
42. Galaxy Quest (1999)
43. The Grand Budapest Hotel (2014)
44. Bill and Ted’s Excellent Adventure (1989)
45. Jin-Roh: The Wolf Brigade (1999)
46. Accepted (2006)
47. Dude, Where’s My Car (2000)
48. An American Werewolf in London (1981)
49. Zach and Miri Make A Porno (2008)
50. Clerks (1994)
51. Another Round (2020)
52. Swingers (1996)
53. Arrival (2016)
54. Reservoir Dogs (1992)
55. Zombieland (2009)
56. Space Pirate Captain Harlock (2013)
57. Some Like It Hot (1959)
58. Demon Slayer: Mugen Train (2020)
59. Pecker (1998)
60. The Crow (1994)
61. I Saw The Devil (2011)
62. The Disaster Artist (2017)
63. Zathura (2005)
64. Army of the Dead (2021)
65. Layer Cake (2005)
66. John Wick (2014)
67. John Wick Chapter 2 (2017)
68. John Wick Chapter 3 (2019)
69. The Big Lebowski (1998)
70. Rush (2013)
71. The Ballad of Buster Scruggs (2018)
72. Stand By Me (1986)
73. Mystic River (2003)
74. The Master (2012)
75. Seoul Searching (2015)
76. Cats (2019)
77. Naughty Books (2020)
78. The Bros (2017)
79. 40-Year-Old Virgin (2005)
80. Hot Rod (2007)
81. Terminator 2: Judgement Day (1991)
82. 50/50 (2011)
83. The History of Future Folk (2012)
84. Mind Game (2004)
85. Batman Ninja (2018)
86. Batman: Hush (2019)
87. Space Sweepers (2021)
88. Fantastic Planet (1973)
89. Black Widow (2021)
90. Insomnia (2002)
91. Pom Poko (1994)
92. Wolf of Wall Street (2013)
93. Good Time (2017)
94. Croupier (1998)
95. Nocturnal Animals (2016)
96. Batman (1989)
97. Citizen Kane (1941)
98. The Matrix (1999)
99. The Matrix Reloaded (2003)
100. Office Space (1999)
101. The Matrix Revolutions (2003)
102. Boogie Nights (1997)
103. In the Mood for Love (2000)
104. Spy Kids (2001)
105. Weathering With You (2019)
106. Promare (2019)
107. Evangelion: 1.11 You Are (Not) Alone. (2007)
108. Evangelion: 2.22 You Can (Not) Advance (2009)
109. Evangelion: 3.33 You Can (Not) Redo (2012)
110. Evangelion: 3.0 + 1.01 Thrice Upon A Time
111. Le Samurai (1967) 
112. Harry Potter and the Sorcerer’s Stone (2001)
113. Superman (1978)
114. Harry Potter and the Chamber of Secrets (2002)
115. Only Yesterday (1991)
116. Willy Wonka and the Chocolate Factory (1971)
117. Dune (2021)
118. The French Dispatch (2021)
119. The Housemaid (1960)
120. 21 Jump Street (2012)
121. 10 Things I Hate About You (1999)
122. 500 Days of Summer (2009)
123. Harry Potter and the Prisoner of Azkaban (2004)
124. Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire (2005)
125. Harry Potter and the Order of the Pheonix (2007)
126. Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince(2009)
127. Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows Pt. 1 (2010)
128. Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows Pt. 2 (2011)
129. The Outsiders: The Complete Novel (1983)
130. This is 40 (2012)
131. Slumdog Millionaire (2008)
132. Tick, Tick…Boom (2021)
133. No Time To Die (2021)
134. Jingle All The Way (1996)
135. Elf (2003)
136. Minority Report (2002)
137. The Matrix Resurrection (2021)

[Update] Back From Hiatus

Ok for the 3 of you that were following this blog in 2021, Welcome back. I have a new schedule for the coming year. I have become significantly busier since I took my break in December. However, I don’t want this blog to go dead since I really enjoy writing and I want to keep doing it.

So, here is the current schedule. I will be posting every Tuesday around 9-10am EST.

  • Every 1st and 3rd Tuesday: Blog Posts (Whatever I want to write about, really)
  • Every 2nd and 4th Tuesday: Everyone Thinks I Dream of Chocolate (Fiction stories based on my time as a chocolatier)

Again, I have much less time on my hands so I had to cut down the release rate by half. Still, I think one post for me will be healthy in the long run.

Besides, who the heck is actually reading this thing?
Regardless, welcome back everyone.
First post of the month will be released tomorrow.

-Danger Wonka

[Update]Taking A Hiatus for the Rest of the Year

Exactly what the title says. Will probably come back in mid-January. Latest the first week of February.

I recently got a new job that has been eating up more of my time. As the holiday season progresses, I will have less time to do much of anything. Plus, I am trying to move out into a new apartment.

I’m also slightly burned out. Not to the point where I don’t want to do this anymore but enough that I’m getting a little tired. This year I have probably written more than I ever have in my entire life and having an opportunity to do that was a blessing on its own. It showed me that this is something I want to do for the rest of my life.

For the 5 of you who have been consistently following my blog for the past year: Thank you. Whether you come back after the hiatus or I never see a single like from you again, just know that I was humbled every time I saw that little email in my inbox.

Happy Holidays. Happy New Year. Hopefully, I will see you soon.

-Danger Wonka

My Granddad Drives 50 Miles a Day

“Can you call your cousin?” my mom asked me. “Make sure she knows that she is picking up your grandparents.”

“Why? Can’t Grandpa drive?”

“He can but he really shouldn’t. He is getting old, you know.”

“Yeah but we’ve been saying that for 20 years.”

I think the family first considered this when my Grandad first got into a car accident. One of my earliest memories of him was visiting him at the hospital shortly after. He wore a white hospital gown and sat in a wheelchair the entire time. In my memory, we were in this visiting room that was empty save for us, the chairs that were built into the walls obscured by the shadows of the unlit room. The natural light of the outside balanced the lack of any man-made light. The resulting scene is that of a natural sepia, a golden brown that tints the present as nostalgia for the future. A strange way to remember a serious moment. I do remember him smiling as he sat in that wheelchair as my grandmother yelled at him.

My grandpa’s driving has been discussed in my family as a combination of a running joke and a genuine concern. I haven’t driven with my grandpa since I was 15. Back then, I spent my time as a passenger with headphones in my ears and my eyes closed so I am personally not the best judge of his driving. Many secondary sources tell me that to sit in a car with him is the equivalent of playing Russian roulette. I do think that this is a bit of an exaggeration. Then again, I can never be too sure.

Various family members report various statements regarding his driving habits. Some say that his vision in old age has created a decreased reaction time. This results in breaking too close to a point of impact, the brake pads always experiencing a hard slam rather than a gentle squeeze. Many also report that he has a tendency to speed, which to be fair, is more of a cultural habit of drivers in central Maryland. When I asked my father if my grandad used turn signals, Dad simply shrugged and said, “I hope so.”

While I have never heard any reports of my grandad being a road rager, it also seems that he refuses to acknowledge anyone else on the road at all. I can say from experience that he does outside of the driver’s seat as well. My grandmother, the matriarch who really runs my family, is consistent in her nagging, especially to my grandfather. 

“Who said you could order pizza?”

“No more candy for the day.”

“Is that bacon.”

My grandfather’s response isn’t usually dismissed but his actions always ignore any sense of warning or potential punishment. It is as if he has psychologically conditioned himself to do and say different things in a half-assed attempt to have his cake and eat it, too. 

I remember a time when my grandpa ordered a second cup of coffee at a restaurant. When it arrived, my grandmother said, “Don’t drink any more coffee.”

“Ok,” my grandfather said as he took another sip. He was looking out the window as he said this as if he was covering his eyes to see no evil.

This disregard for others isn’t too much of a problem on the road but it is a huge problem in parking lots. Most of his accidents happened in these tight corridors, where hunks of metal were backing in and out of spaces dictated by white lines painted on blacktop concrete. All of his habits and problems were at the test here: the poor vision, fast driving, the lack of awareness, and disregard all came to ahead here. 

Luckily, Granddad has never killed anyone. Even better, he has never died. 

It was apparently enough to get the insurance companies to seriously investigate his driving habits. They attached a GPS to his car that would keep track of his driving. My Dad and Uncle were hoping that if my grandfather could maintain good behavior during this parole that he could get his new insurance premium to a new low.

What they found was that my grandfather was driving an average of 50 miles a day. That is 350 miles a week. For some people, that is more than a single full gas tank. It resulted in the insurance company ultimately raising his premiums. 

Just where was my grandfather going every day? I know that he had jobs cleaning offices. He also babysat my baby cousins, ages around 13 and 10 years of age. 

That said, he spent most of his social time at an elder center for aging Korean citizens. It was basically free with his medicare and he had become a local star thanks to his skills in ping pong. 

My mom told me one anecdote regarding where he got into some hot water with my grandmother because he drove another woman home. As a Korean and a Christian, the conservative values are multiplied when it comes to those of the opposite sex. While I can’t imagine my grandfather ever cheating, I also can’t imagine that he didn’t feel something of an ego boost driving this other Korean grandma home. I imagine that they talk about the old country, their family life here in the states compared to the dictatorship of Pre-2000 Korea. Mostly, I imagine the grandma talking about my granddad’s ping pong skills. In elderly circles, this is probably the equivalent of being the star quarterback. 

I wonder how many grandmothers my granddad is driving home, playing the delicate and dangerous game of flirting with them as they talk up his latest win in the local ping pong league while ignoring the tenets of marriage and Korean Jesus. These are all jokes between myself and I…but one can imagine.

As his grandson, I do feel concerned about his driving habits. If he is going to pass on, I prefer it not be as tragic as a car accident. Even worse, I would hate to think that he takes a life, his or another’s due to his own driving. Then again, he hasn’t killed anyone yet. 

I also understand a lot of where some of this is coming from. He spent a good 5 years living in American on his own in the ’80s, working until he could get a green card to bring his family over to the states. During that time, he must have been lonely. Cut to today, his family is here. He no longer has to worry about a dictatorship that is running the citizens into poverty. Yet, his wife of many decades is a super conservative woman with an iron grip on the family. I would not call her an emotionally available person. The one time I saw my grandad try to kiss her in public, she returned it with a slap on the face and a look of embarrassment. I can only imagine that the open road, itself an American symbol of exploration and freedom, is one of the few places where he can experience true autonomy. 

After all, the man is in his 80’s. This is about the time where death starts to knock at the door. You can ignore it for a while. You might be able to stay quiet every time they come a’ knocking and just wait for them to leave. Like the KGB, however, the door is going to open someday. Hopefully, it will open gently as my grandfather lets them in with an elderly grace. Or it might come crashing down with him fighting till the last second. 

As much as I worry for him (and especially others), I also would like to think that he is having as much fun as possible. Who am I, or anyone, to deny him that? 

19. Helicopter Parent

The following is part of a serialized story, Everyone Thinks I Dream of Chocolate. You can find the first chapter here.

Dick grew up on several military bases. A son of an American father and a Japanese mother, he grew up as many army brats do, moving from place to place. On the surface, his upbringing was as typical as it got as someone born within those conditions. Looking at the details in the cracks, however, his life was a collection of stories ranging from Kids on Bikes Style Shenanigans to Vonnegut-esque absurdities. 

One Sunday shift, after the lunch rush had died down, we were standing around the deli looking out for customers. We never made chocolate on the weekends (unless Dick became impatient with the lack of customers). So, we stood around telling stories. 

“So, I used to live on a military base,” Dick said. “I’m pretty sure this was back when I lived in Japan.”

“I was sitting by the window looking out at the classroom when suddenly, a helicopter comes out from the sky and lands on the pad.”

He never described the scene outside, but I always imagined that the chopper landed on a school blacktop. There would be some basketball hoops and white lines that paint out little arenas for games like Four-square and Taps. Although, now that I think about it, Japanese schools are more likely to have sand fields. I can see gold particles swirling around the blades, blending the scene into an hourglass. 

“And out comes this guy in a helicopter jumper. Must have been some high-ranking soldier or something that just came back from some assignment.”

“Anyway, so out comes this woman and child. And the kid was obviously his because he comes out running and rushing towards the soldier.”

“And the soldier picks up the kid and throws him into the air, his arms out waiting to catch him.”

I can see the child’s feet slapping the ground, their little feet kicking up the dirt into small little pulses in the dirt ground, the particles picked up by the wind of the chopper blades, joining the swirl of the scene that makes it seem so magical. For some reason, the kid is a boy in my recreation. I imagined the father catching him, then giving him a kiss on the cheek. In that moment, the sun would be caught right in the middle, illuminating everything but the father and sun. The shadow would create resonating contrast. A silhouette. A picture-perfect moment captured in a single moment in space and time. 

“That’s nice,” I said.

“Yeah. Except that the father caught a body without a head.”

“What?”

“Yeah, the son was so small that the soldier threw him up in the air too high. The helicopter blades just chopped that kid’s head clean off.”

“Oh.”

“Can you imagine how awful that the dad must have felt?”

I could. I wondered how far the helicopter blades could have smacked the little boy’s head away. I’m not a physics major so I can’t decide in my mind’s recreation if it launched like a Babe Ruth Home Run? Or, did it merely tumble a few feet away, then slowly roll through the field, the face and hair picking up sand and dirt along the way. 

Just how fast were those chopper blades going? Was it fast enough that the boy had no idea of his imminent doom? So fast that the boy’s face was frozen in that moment of familial bliss, knowing the love of a father? Or, did he see the blades coming at him in that last moment of life? Did that last second stretch into an eternity, molding his last facial expression into one of fatal futility?

I don’t think even Dick ever really thought about it. 

A customer went up to the counter. Dick went back to the kitchen. Christian went over to the chocolate shop to do some inventory. I picked up a notepad and a pen and went over to the counter. The customer had a smile on their face. Probably, because they had never heard a story about a father’s love accidentally chopping off his own child’s head. Good for you, ignorant customer.

“Hello, how can I help you?”

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18. How I learned that BBQ sauce has Tomato

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20. Becky

[Table of Contents]