I’m not a prude. I’ve been having sex since I was 17 years old and started watching porn and jacking off earlier than most would feel comfortable admitting. I’m not against fetishes and sexual exploration. Like drugs, the topic of sex is tumultuous because no matter what general stance you take with the topic, it can never be fully encapsulated with hyperbole. It is a discussion that requires a deep dive into the nuance of it all.
At the same time, it is clear that if there isn’t a strict conservatism that has everyone wearing a chastity belt, sex is put on an anarchic display, designed to fetishize anything and everything. In a war between tyrannical puritanism and rule34, I stand somewhere in the middle, tired of everyone’s shit.
I can’t even blame either side of the spectrum. If we have learned anything in the last several years of the #metoo movements and cancel culture, human beings can be downright irresponsible when it comes to sex. History has shown countless examples of sexual violence and manipulation, especially towards women and children. Despite humanity’s innate understanding that these things are wrong, modern science and mental health research is finally able to give evidence as to why, concrete documents that we can shove in the faces of misogynists, apologists, and the down-right villainous.
Yet, sex is also an inherent biological function. It is a built-in mechanism designed to perpetuate our population to combat extinction. To do this, we have evolved so that the ultimate human drug is programmed into our biology: procreation. Whether you realize it or not, most humans are born to be addicts and when you reach a certain age, that addictive craving manifests along with a plethora of chemicals flooding your body in the form of hormones and activated neurotransmitters.
Like most people, I started fulfilling this need by jacking off. It was good but it required the aid of pornography or my imagination, the equivalent of heroin cut with laundry detergent and baking soda. When I had sex for the first time, I knew I was getting the good stuff — 100% pure and the way it was intended. Later when I explored fetishes with my partner, it was like I was mixing and ingesting my favorite drugs in a chemical cocktail(pun intended).
That said, I am 25 now. I have been in a committed relationship for almost 8 years now. That’s enough time for someone to think. Growing up with the rise of the internet, I can see how internet pornography has seeped into everything. It has fundamentally put a filter on the world with a subtext. As a writer, I already ride the line between dreams and reality. I think it has made me something of an expert in spotting this veil that covers this world.
I wish I could say that it is simple as knowing when to turn off that part of your brain and just live your life. Much like a pair of Augmented Reality Goggles, we should be free to put them on and off as we please.
It isn’t that simple, however. The internet has proven that humans are willing to sexualize any new female actress and character the moment the press release hits the internet. Porn and other sexual content make up the majority of the online content. All of this, while we are still trying to educate humanity on the etiquette of sex. Meanwhile, conservatism refuses to acknowledge such things as anything more than taboo while many of these same hypocritical forces continue to perpetuate vulgar sexual practices behind closed doors.
Let me establish this if this isn’t clear yet: I love sex and I am not here to put down anyone’s sexual desires. I’m just stating the truth. This drug built into our biology is both a blessing of the ultimate high and potential curse of illness and societal hardship. We have come far in science that allows us to limit unwanted pregnancies and STDs. For the first time in history, we do not have to worry so much about the real, life-altering consequences of sex. We can simply enjoy getting off.
It’s everything else that upsets me. I see humans, both men and women, making stupid remarks and poor decisions based on these desires. I have seen people talk about a potential partner like they are hunting animals or exchanging goods and services. I have seen people hurt another’s feelings by sleeping with them and the discarding them. I have heard he-said-she-said stories used to attack each other for petty reasons, revealing intimate facts like propaganda in the shallowest of wars. I have heard stories of seemingly nice people committing atrocious acts that I am not sure one can ever come back from.
I watch some of my friends play the dating game. I don’t know for sure if dating has gotten easier or worse since dating apps have been popularized. I do know that it has become much more explicitly a game. This gamification of the process unnerves me. It has either made my friends lose confidence to the point of giving up or gain too much confidence that they use people like sex dolls.
Meanwhile, I find out that half of my favorite artists are being outed as terrible people or having committed terrible acts of sexual violence and grooming. I can’t enjoy somethings without finding a justification beyond the separation between artist and art. Despite, my advocation for a world without Intellectual Property…it still makes me sad. It makes it hard to thank someone for good art when they have raped people.
Because of all this, I gave up watching porn this year. I have heard too many things about the way many of these online porn sites and the industry operates. Without going too deep into the topic, I just found it to be for the best. I don’t judge anyone for continuing to watch it or champion those who also abstain. We are living in a world where prescriptions have run out and heroin is cheap.
Regardless of everything I have said, I don’t even really blame anyone for any of this. I too am a human being, prone to this physical and psychological addiction that I have no plans of giving up. It is my favorite drug and I plan to keep getting off until my dick don’t work. Even then, I plan to buy a new one. Still, it should not be this hard to enjoy something I love.
Danger Wonka 